"We're Like the Domino's Pizza of Sovereignty Transfers!"

"Does this mean we'll be bringing the troops home two days ahead of schedule?"

This is going to suck

Had a great time sailing last night with the new guy. We checked out his new condo (square footage=3x's my place and then walked to Chile Duck for some Thai. So far, so perfect.

And because every action has an equal and opposite reaction, I have to walk to Government Center to get a root canal this morning. Looking forward to the walk (I so miss working downtown!) and dreading the ensuing gore.

Another Media Blackout?

Why isn't this pressing issue being covered by our local press? I know that Republicans have to pay for what Democrats usually get for free but I am sure there is a story here as well.

I made my first offer on a condo that I really, really wanted (first mistake - never get emotionally attached to a property one has seen twice) and got crushed by the sellers. When my phone rang during brunch yesterday and I saw that it was my realtor, my heart skipped a beat. I knew he was calling about my offer and I hoped for the best. The vision in my head when he told me what the sellers had to say in response was similar to the scene in Fahrenheit 911 in which the US dropped the first bombs on Baghdad. A bright light followed by complete devastation.

Not one to give up the good fight, I am going to keep my eye on this place and see if they are more willing to deal after it has been on the market a while longer. I am surprised at how many offers are being made on real estate around here. I have seen a property listing and thought, "Wow. That is so overpriced.". A week later, it is "under agreement". People seem to have an awful lot of money to spend on housing. This "affordable housing" issue needs another monniker as it seems as though all Boston property is "affordable" by someone's standards so, technically, there is no lack of "affordable housing". Did I just solve some civic problem?

Who's sorry now?

Why does this judge have to say he's sorry for comparing Bush to Hitler? He should be apologizing for stealing the idea for the analogy from the now-defunct RNC Sloginator (remember: "Bush. It's Not Like He's Hitler."). Now, if he was comparing them because they are two of the most powerful closet cases of the last one hundred years, that would be original.

Countdown to Freedom

And I am not talking about the "transfer of sovereignty to Irag" here. I myself will be free in one hour and then it is off to: the gym, Fahrenehit 911, and finally, Journee to discuss the movie and practice my new "moderate drinker" technique. I didn't want to mention this new drinking method I have been trying out in case it didn't last but: so far, so good. It is much cheaper than the former "binge drinking" model I adhered to and I can do things in the mornings following these "moderate drinkng" sessions like get up before 9 without my head beating like a heart.

I was scheduled to go to this wine tasting at the Wine Botega in the North End but then I got a better offer. My friend who got the movie tickets tells me that all the showings around town are sold out for tonight and now I know how those LOTR people feel when they get tickets to their sold out premieres: Soooo much better than everybody else. It had better not suck.

Cheney to Bad Catholics: Sodomize yourselves.

I am loving the fact that Dick Cheney told Leahy to “go fuck himself” after Leahy got a chance to let him know that he was offended at being labeled a bad Catholic by the Bush administration because he supports the right to have an abortion. If Cheney really believed in all of that Jesus-saves-abortion-kills-bullshit, the logical comeback would have been something along the lines of, Cheney calling him a murderer or saying that Leahy is going to hell for his beliefs. But, because Cheney knows that religion has no place in politics and that it was a bad idea to make ones religious beliefs a campaign issue, all he could come up with was “go fuck yourself”. Which begs the question: Is fucking yourself a violation of some sodomy law?

This is going to be so great

Yup, just like clockwork. The 1 million weekday T riders will have their bags searched if the bag is over a certain size. They guy in charge is quoted in the Globe today as saying:

"We're going to great lengths to make this as unobtrusive as possible," he said. "My hope is that it will be simply a quick look in a bag."

Hmmmm, I don't remember anyone going through people's bags during the Blizzard of '78 but, whatever. We have got to got a grip here. NOTHING is going to happen during the convention. NOTHING. The Saudi terrorist leaders (and most of them are Saudis) want to kill people that will actually cause "a nation to mourn". Who is going to shed a tear over 3,000 dead white, middle aged lobbyists? It would be a big blow to the tobacco, cattleman's and pharmaceutical industries to lose their best and brightest but this is not what the terrorists have in mind.

WTF? Get this guy a PR rep

Mayor Mumbles latest helpful tidbit on how to deal with the Martial Law we'll have to live under when the Democratic Convention and hookers from all corners of the US come to the Hub is not helpful at all.

He is comparing the Baghdad-like conditions that we city dwellers (who were just beginning to feel good now that the 14 year Big Dig is wrapping up) to the conditions that we "endured" after the Blizzard of '78. I am using the term "endured" loosely here because that friggin' blizzard gave me about 100 of my fondest childhood memories in an action-packed 4 days. So, OK, it'll be just like the Blizzard. Substitute the thrill of snow days, sledding, neighbors talking to people for the first time in the 6 years they lived near each other, the excitement of standing in the streets with tons of people cheering the snow plows on as they made there way by with makeshift signs that read, "We're from Pennsylvania!", and the cozy feeling that came from being home for days on end with the parents you usually only saw for 5 hours a day with living hell. It'll be just like that.

Housekeeping

My realtor called to say that he has a lot of interested parties on the hook and that he has to show the place at 4:15 today. He TOLD me to keep it in showplace condition everyday so what did I do the first day of "model home"? Left dirty dishes in the sink, my sports bra on the chair in the living room and I sort of half-assed made my bed. I just drove all the way home to straighten up the place. IDIOT! The cats were basically in comas b/c they did not expect me to come home at this time so at least I got a laugh out of it by watching them try to come out of hibernation like sleestaks.

I absolutely cannot wait to get out of here and hit the Charles. I know, I know. I leave work in the middle of the day and then screw out early to go sailing so where is my level of commitment to my employer? At an all-time low I'd have to say. My long-suffering commitment to my job just cannot compete with driving home with the sunroof open and 90.3 FM blaring. It is just good a feeling.

The Terrorists Have Won!

Something very disturbing took place here at the office over the weekend. While I was busy trying to avoid drinking and driving and sleeping late, someone (or perhaps as team of someone's) was here installing these "firewall" things I hear my other friends talking about. This is so lame! Since when is the Drudge Report "adult content". Seriously. And Gossiplist.com? Please! Lighten up Frances! I just called one friend to complain about this infringement of my civil liberties and she said that her firewall doesn't even allow her to read the Onion. WTF? Who is in charge of deciding what makes a site "adult"? I know that it is not Michael Powell and the FCC because I can still access Howard Stern's site (my Justice Department peeps cannot access view this site. Too bad Samir! You can prosecute major violators of the US Anti-Trust laws but you can't check out links to gems like this).

I very much enjoyed reading this article (which I guess is considered non-adult) about one of Bush's judicial nominees who was just too busy to notice whether or not he was licensed to practice law in Utah. Yeah, I was going to try to avoid taking the bar and then "forget" to pay my bar dues every year but someone told me that practicing law without a license was illegal and I went back to Plan A.

Oh, if you don't feel like registering for all those newspaper websites, just go to Bugmenot.com and they'll take care of you.

Just ask Mel Gibson

I am loving this entry in the WP “Reliable Source” about how the group that moved to put The Terminator into the governor’s mansion in California is now trying to get movie theaters to refuse to screen the film. I have so many things to say about this that I don’t know where to start but here goes:

'Fahrenheit 9/11' should be shown as a recruiting video for Al-Qaeda, not in our movie theaters."

Easy fellas. Everybody knows by now that Al-Qaeda does it’s recruiting in the Saudi School System. There's no way the distributors of this film will allow "bootleg" copies to get into the hands of those free-loading educators. they can pay for their tickets just like everybody else.

"Since we are the customers of the American movie theatres it is important for us to speak up loudly and tell the industry executives that we don't want this misleading and grotesque movie being shown at our local cinema.”

I can’t argue with them here. There have been far too many “misleading” films out there lately. Where were these people when Entrapment came out? I mean, Sean Connery was like 73 and a 30 year old Catherine Zeta Jones was supposedly attracted to him? Talk about grotesque.

And finally this: Any time any organization protests against a movie, they ensure that the movie will do better at the box office than it would have done otherwise. If they have any doubt about this, just ask Mel Gibson.
I hope this movie makes bloody fortune. I might by two tickets instead of one, not to support Michael Moore or the film but just to piss of these un-American (yes folks, a free society means having the freedom to drop $10 a ticket and about $5 on snacks to see a movie that may or may not suck) assholes.

Those little chicks are soooo cute! Hey, what the....

Anyone else think that MIT's Hawkcam would be a lot more interesting if they showed pictures of the bloody squirrel tails that I hear are being spotted all over campus? Even media neophytes like myself know that a little blood and gore ensures high web traffic. Just a suggestion guys.

Another Friday Night in the Naked City

So. The weekend is finally here and, if you are like me, you are wondering: "Where can I go to kick back with my peeps and enjoy some cool live music in air conditioned comfort?" Well, perhaps I can be of some assistance. Satellite 7 is playing tonight at the Skybar in Somerville and the show is going to rock. They give you your cover charge back if you walk out and tell the bouncer, "That show did not rock at all." But you won't be saying that! Trust me.

I am jealous because my "friend" with whom I saw Gary Gulman with and who knows I have a crush on him has been corresponding via e-mail with him and is going to see him tonight at the Comedy Connection. This is so unfair! She has a boyfriend and is only interested in him because he's "hilarious and really cool". Dude, I want you for your body only! I could care less about your career! So, who would you rather be with: A chick who likes you for your job which could go away tomorrow or someone who is after you for your being a 6'6" hunk? It isn't like you'll ever get shorter or ugly so my affection will be stand the test of time. Think about it...

3 Days to D-Day

Well, it is not exactly analogous to the Allies landing on the beach in Normandy but Sunday is the Open House for my condo and it is providing me an excellent excuse to skip the gym.
Last night I: washed my windows, replaced the knobs on the kitchen cabinets (I thought this was a waste of time when the agent suggested it, I mean, the cabinets are still the same but it makes a huge difference), cleaned the ceiling fan, replaced most of my lightbulbs with maximum wattage bulbs (again, the agent's idea)and put together a "moving sale" flyer to get rid of some small appliances I never use that are causing clutter. It isn't these tasks that are stressing me out, it is the fact that the place has to be in "show condition" at all times. Basically, I can't leave any dirty dishes, my pile of not-quite-ready-for-the-laundry-basket of clothes I may wear more time has been moved from my Wassily chair to a shelf in my closet and the bathroom must be picture perfect at all times. I am a neat freak but even I don't live like this. It's unnatural.
The one thing I am going to miss about living in the city in the one thing everyone thinks I must hate: Fenway Park. Yes, it is out-of-control when tens of thousands of visitors descend on my tiny neighborhood on a nightly basis but the Red Sox fans are, for the most part, great guests and one of the greatest memories I'll have of this time in my life will be those nights I puttered around my condo with the game on TV and listening for the roar of the crowd coming through the windows. When I feel restless and need some "fresh" air, I'll walk over to the park during a game to just take it all in and feel lucky. The Park is one of the most historic in the country and the Red Sox are my absolute all-time favorite team and I have been so fortunate to have been able to be part of these last four seasons, riots and all.
Don't get me wrong - I get excited when I think about the future and living over in Chelsea in a two bedroom condo with a view of the Boston skyline, a pool, tennis courts, deeded parking and a washer and dryer of my own. I won't miss the traffic, the parking tickets, the vandalism (to my car - 3 times), the tax hikes, Mumbles Menino, the Boston City Council, the guys with shopping carts going through the dumpsters at 4 am, but Fenway Park? I get choked up thinking about it.

eRejection

From the annals of dating in the City:
A friend of mine called me to complain that she had, in addition to going out on a few dates with guys who never called her, had just been rejected by a DATING SERVICE. She had filled out that eHarmony survey, liked the site's concept and promptly signed up for 3 months. The next day she got a "thanks but no thanks" email and a confirmation that her credit card had not been charged. Now, I filled out that eHarmony survey to see what the story was and must say that the analysis of myself was right on! So, knowing her, I can see why she might have scared the beejsus out of those Christian matchmakers over at eHarmony. Let's just say she is a little abrasive and I would not call her outlook "positive". Basically, they told her that they would not be able to "find her soul mate" for her. No shit. Even I know that she doesn't really have a "soul" to speak of and I didn't have to ask her to fill out a 500 question survey to come to that conclusion.

I suggested she try Democractic Singles. It is a new site so they aren't really in a position to reject anyone based on the fact that no one really wants to hang out with them for more than an hour or so.

It Tolls For Thee

There was a bad accident on the Turnpike yesterday that is almost identical to the one on the Connecticut Turnpike that brought an end to the tolls there. In the Connecticut case, a tollbooth operator had just left the booth minutes before an 18-wheeler took out the toll both. The truck leveled the booth and left a heap of concrete in its wake. The response of the Connecticut turnpike authority was to remove the booth and stop the tolls as the liability in the event of another similar accident was too great. As an aside, the many of the New Hampshire tolls were removed when the Governor was stuck in a nightmare four hour traffic jam due to a back-up at the tolls.

I am curious to see how this accident affects the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority. See, there is little thing in Tort law called “Foreseeability”. Basically, it means that the Turnpike has a duty of care to prevent foreseeable injury. At this point, even without the accident in Connecticut as precedent, it is foreseeable that a tollbooth operator could be killed by a truck while on duty. The monetary damages in such a case would be astronomical. Before this happened, I would joke that I would quit my job to represent the family of the deceased tollbooth operator in the event that a similar accident resulted in the untimely demise of a Turnpike employee who wasn’t so lucky as the guy in Connecticut (who was treated for shock as he turned back and saw the impact on the booth he had just left to use the men’s room – that is my recollection but the accident was a while ago).

Well, now that someone has actually died in such an accident, I just feel badly for the truck driver and am relieved that the tollbooth was empty. I am not a bad person really. I just hate being robbed daily by the Commonwealth. Anyway, two of our neighboring states either took down their tolls completely or reduced the number of tolls in response to event that affected the safety of those who use and work on their Turnpikes. Something tells me that the MTA isn’t going to change one thing here but we’ll see.

More good news!

I just checked the current list of detainees and, my arabic is a little rusty but it looks like there are only about 17 names on this list. I bet they let a lot of those guys who were picked up for DWI (Driving While Iraqi) free so that they could get back to their families to start planning for their new lives under a democratic government and plan their first "Independence Day" cookouts.

Hey, it just occured to me that the Iraqi's Independence Day is going to be just a few days before ours. I wonder if the President is going to make a big fucking deal about July 4th and how all of our tax dollars made such perfect lives for the Iraqis and now they can have a long weekend every year to have parades and go to the beach?

17 Days to A Sovereign Iraq

Finally! We are almost there. Just 17 days from complete freedom for the previously-oppressed-by-the-US Sanctions-but-now-liberated-by-the-US citizens of Iraq.

All I can say is: After tens of billions of dollars, countless hours of free air time on American television and the undivided attention of Americans, who were asked by our President to put aside our own trivial concerns such as our job security, the safety of our family members in the military and the fact that most of us don't have health insurance, these people had better be SO fucking free. I mean, they should be more free than Americans considering that achieving our freedom from the British could about 1/110,000 (in 2003 dollars!) of what it cost for "Operation Enduring Freedom".

I felt a tug at my heartstrings and all of cynicism melted away when I saw this picture of a beautiful Iraqi child and I thought, "OK. Maybe we didn't hold the Bush administration accountable for dropping the ball on the mass murder of 3,000 American civilians and maybe we still live ours lives in "Orange Alert" but it is all worth it just to see this Free child's smiling face". Then I noticed that the picture was taken in Spring 2003. Uh oh. One thing I know for sure: when it comes to the US making life miserable for Iraqi kids, no child was left behind. Oh well, Freedom is just 17 days away and I'll ya': Iraqi eyes are going to be smiling!

Good Dental Practices

Remember in the movie “The Birds” when just one bird flew into frame, than another, and another and finally a swarm of birds were circling Tippi Hendren and pecked her to death? Well, that scene is reminiscent of my weekend except the “birds” were actually foreign dentists and they didn’t kill me but still, similarities exist.

Let me back up. A friend and I met at the Blue Cat Friday and weren’t there for five minutes before the guy next to us introduced himself. Turns out he was a Ukrainian dentist who learned English by going to dental school at Tufts. He talked and talked and, just as we were about to leave, and he bought us a drink to make us stay (this turned out to be some sort of “dental” tactic as you’ll see). I could only finish half of my martini as I hadn’t eaten dinner so we left our new former-Soviet Union friend to head to Sonsie to put some food in out stomachs. We got there and the place was packed with, you guessed it, dentists: Italian dentists, South African dentists, German dentists and some random American dentists. I was not aware of this prior to Friday but Boston is some sort of “Hub” for Dentists of the World as all of them attended dental school at Tufts and BU. So anyway, they were all back for a four day convention which ended yesterday. The Italians (Fabio, Marcello and another Fabio) plied us with vodka martinis and invited us to trip the lights fantastic at Sophia’s on the roofdeck. We obliged and a good time was had by all.

The weekend was a blast and now work is already bringing me down. I wish it was yesterday again. One quick rant: a local radio station (104.5? I don’t know the call letters) had this “Entertainment Report” segment this morning that really gave me a rash. Some glib chick radio “personality” announced that Ben Affleck’s new girlfriend (who lives and works around here) was discovered to have had “six driving infractions” and was arrested for theft in 1995. WTF? This girl is not running for Congress here so what is with the background check and this invasion of privacy? If she had an abortion or had attempted suicide or something, would they “report” that too? I really feel for this girl and am boycotting 104.5 and any other media outlet which “covers” this “story”. What assholes.

I am so jealous!

I just got a phone call from (and I find this as disgusting as you do) two very inebriated attorneys from the United States Patent and Trademark Office who were observing this "National Day of Mourning" from a rockin' bar in Dupont Circle. They are having a blast! The place is full of very un-mournful sounding federal employees who got a half a day today (some lucky stiffs got the whole friggin' day off!) and are finding solace in each other and mojitos.

This is so unfair! A "National Day of Mourning" should be just that: observed NATIONALLY and we should all be at outdoor bars across the country doing our patriotic duty by pumping much-needed funds into our local restaurant industries.

Oh I am so glad to hear that Reagan in that much closer to finally being put to rest. Geez! Since his death a WEEK ago, his frail, wasted remains have been boxed, shipped, dressed up, dragged though the streets of (a very mournful) D.C. and are now going to be schlepped all the way back to California. Let's just hope he makes it to that "final resting place" all of the pundits have been harping on this week.

One last Reagan quote and that is it. I swear.
"...an example to the world of the ideals we hold most dear, the ideals of freedom
and independence."—Reagan, '85, praising the Afghan Mujahaddin. These "freedom fighters" included
prominent leaders of Al Qaeda, such as Osama Bin Laden, as well as many of the
leaders for the Taliban.

No lead-in necessary

Rather than link to Andrew Sullivan who posted this transcript, I am posting the entire thing here.


REAGAN AND AIDS: Sorry to continue about this, but I just got sent the following transcript of a press conference by Larry Speakes, presidential spokesman, on October 15, 1982. It speaks for itself:
Q: Larry, does the President have any reaction to the announcement from the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta, that AIDS is now an epidemic and have over 600 cases?
MR. SPEAKES: What's AIDS?
Q: Over a third of them have died. It's known as "gay plague." (Laughter.) No, it is. I mean it's a pretty serious thing that one in every three people that get this have died. And I wondered if the President is aware of it?
MR. SPEAKES: I don't have it. Do you? (Laughter.)
Q: No, I don't.
MR. SPEAKES: You didn't answer my question.
Q: Well, I just wondered, does the President ...
MR. SPEAKES: How do you know? (Laughter.)
Q: In other words, the White House looks on this as a great joke?
MR. SPEAKES: No, I don't know anything about it, Lester.
Q: Does the President, does anyone in the White House know about this epidemic, Larry?
MR. SPEAKES: I don't think so. I don't think there's been any ...
Q: Nobody knows?
MR. SPEAKES: There has been no personal experience here, Lester.
Q: No, I mean, I thought you were keeping ...
MR. SPEAKES: I checked thoroughly with Dr. Ruge this morning and he's had no - (laughter) - no patients suffering from AIDS or whatever it is.
Q: The President doesn't have gay plague, is that what you're saying or what?
MR. SPEAKES: No, I didn't say that.
Q: Didn't say that?
MR. SPEAKES: I thought I heard you on the State Department over there. Why didn't you stay there? (Laughter.)
Q: Because I love you Larry, that's why (Laughter.)
MR. SPEAKES: Oh I see. Just don't put it in those terms, Lester. (Laughter.)
Q: Oh, I retract that.
MR. SPEAKES: I hope so.
Q: It's too late.

Housekeeping issues

As I perused Craigslist this morning, as is my wont, I came across this guy who is “ranting” (Little CL lingo for you) about the beggars here in Beantown.

He has a point. I go to NYC about one weekend and month and I gotta tell ya: Boston is like Calcutta in comparison. I mean, our beggars have arms and legs and all but we definitely have the numbers. Walk down Newbury Street tonight and you can’t go 30 yards without some beggar (not a homeless person, a beggar) pulling some crazy-ass shit like shaking his change cup in your face and shouting as if that is a good way to make someone want to empty his pockets. Newbury Street also boasts the only Chinese beggar in Boston. Sometimes she sits outside near Finagle a Bagel on Boylston but she prefers sitting on the stoop near Guess on Newbury.

I represent some homeless people pro bono (they have SSI and Veteran’s benefits issues) and these guys are not the ones holding the door open for you at 7 Eleven. My clients are too paranoid and/or mentally ill to approach anybody or focus long enough to pick a spot to beg, show up on time every night and protect their turf with the threat of violence. I saw one beggar paying for CD’s at HMV with a check once (I call her, “Money for a sandwich?” She begs in Downtown Crossing). This begging is serious business for these guys. The biggest turf war I ever witnessed was over the prime spot in front of the Granary graveyard. A big fat lady with a respirator (you may know her: “Food for a family of six” is her mantra) fought for days with the guy in a wheelchair with one leg. He won.

What I am getting at here is: is the city going to do anything about this for the DNC? Boston is a dirty city as it is (it has its tidy spots of course) and the beggars just make it look even worse. I guess if we can’t even get the Fleet Center converted in time and don’t have enough hotel rooms for the delegates, it might be expecting a little much for the Mayor to clean up a little before company comes over.

It's not like firing everyone could result in a plane crash or anything

Am I the only one who sees the irony that a plane went “missing” on the day that Reagan’s body was paraded around the streets of D.C.? Could this be Fate’s way of reminding the grief-and-terror-stricken mourners that one of Reagan’s great legacies was the firing of the Nation’s air traffic controllers?

Another campaign tip for Dubya: Prominently displaying dead politicians on your campaign website does nothing to sway swing voters who may visit your site looking for information on your policies, plans for the future of the United States or the details of your next rally. Remember: Reagan is not running for President. You are. The Gipper had his two terms and you would sell your soul to Karl Rove for two terms so perhaps you should show some pictures of you hugging negroes and your wife (at separate times) as previously suggested.

I think I can, I think can...

Dear Office Manager:
While we all enjoy a cold beverage now and then, we do not all need to have fatty snacks so readily available do we? Please refrain from stocking the kitchen with Smartfood, Cheese-Its and trail mix. You may continue to order the pretzels and Fig Newtons as I am not the least bit tempted by that crap.

Best,
Mia

You thought that we had it bad

My Property law professor told us on the first day of that hellish class that the cornerstone of all prosperous societies is the ability of individual citizens to own land. I had heard something similar from our Contracts professor an hour earlier (with respect to the ability to form enforceable agreements) so thought at first that every freaking professor in the next three years was going to make the same claim about the subject of his/her class. Well, I was wrong. No one else mentioned it and Property and Contract law are, in fact, the cornerstones of all civilized, modern, successful societies.

Well, the government of Zimbabwe just took care of any chance that country had of establishing any kind of viable commerce that could move the country forward by forcing all landowners to relinquish (sans compensation) their land to the state.

"Respect for private tenure and title on property is the basis on which all successful societies have been built," said a commercial bank economist who did not want to be named. "Instead of learning from countries like Britain and Japan which prospered by developing the concept of private ownership long back, from systems where all properties were owned by kings and emperors, Mugabe has effectively converted Zimbabwe into another North Korea."

Now, Mugabe has been pushing out White landowners for some time, which may or not be laudable depending on your politics, but now he is preventing BLACKS from owning land. I hate to say it but, he is only getting away with this because Zimbabwe is predominantly Black. In Africa, it is unacceptable for a White government to oppress Blacks but no one cries out for bloodshed when Black Africans oppress each other.

I mean, White Americans would only agree to this kind of extreme infringement on one’s Civil Liberties if Bush said it was an essential measure to “fight the evil-doers in the War on Terror” and 62% of Americans said they felt safer knowing that Terrorists could not own property on American soil and if it meant that they couldn’t either.

OK. I am done blogging for the the day because I am scaring myself here and I don't want to give the White (and I do mean white) House any big ideas...

My Dream Campaign

What wouldn't Bush's handlers give for publicity like this. If I was running a campaign, I would pay an elderly veteran the equivalent of one of his monthly pension checks to wander off, lost and alone in a country in which he does not speak the language, and then amble up to the candidate's body guards for some help and have the benevolent man-of-the-people (my candidate) wisk him back to his Homeland in a jet and give him a ride to his hotel. Oh, man. Publicity like this is worth about a million dollars. Why couldn't have this happened to Kerry?

Another of my "dream campaign" ideas has also been stolen!! These blatant rip-offs are really getting on my nerves. Maybe I missed my calling with this law thing. I should be pulling down seven figures getting another rich, pompous ass in the White House. I am worth every penny I tell you!

Back to Reality

Smarty Jones didn’t take home the Triple Crown and I did not with the road race yesterday as it was raining hard in NYC yesterday morning. I didn’t win because I did not run. I don’t know about you, but I run for fun and running in the rain in 50 degree temps just isn’t my idea of a good time.

All was not lost though. I finally got the check out that French place in the Meatpacking District, Pastis. Loved it! Just like Paris except all of the staff is American and friendly. There were a lot of French people there for brunch and I was thinking about how I avoid “American” places in France like the plague. I won’t even eat at a place that has the menu translated in English because that is code for “over-priced and marginal” when one is overseas. But, I guess the same does not hold true for the French because the food was really good (I had poached eggs over an artichoke with spinach and hollandaise-$14) and the prices were average for “trendy New York” restaurants.

As is my wont, the weekend also included one bout of binge drinking but I am proud to say: not one cigarette. A whole new me? Too soon to tell at this point but it had been 7 days since I have had an appetite-suppressing cancer stick. All of this abstinence has (no surprise here) been good for me so we’ll see how long this lasts.

I got a rash when I read Political Animal’s review of what he believes will be introduced in the Texas Republican Platform for 2004. Take a look at it and, you tell me: how can any American align himself with these lunatics? Even in part?

The thing is, you have to read the whole platform to see how dangerously unhinged these people really are. And while you're reading it you have to remember that they aren't just a harmless fringe group: they control the second biggest state in the nation and have produced the current top leadership of the United States.

I am so out of here

As I may have mentioned earlier, I absolutely cannot get any work done today. I only have 2 matters on my desk right now so I need to put them off until Monday because I'll have nothing to do on Monday if I do them now. All that bright-eyed-bushy-tailed energy will go to waste as my inbox will be empty. It is better for all concerned really if I just check the Belmont Stakes website for the weather one last time and then get the hell out of here. Yeahhhh! I haven't felt this motivated all day! Ciao!

What's next-Our fuckin' missiles start feeling sad?

The latest from My New Filing Technique is a howl. Scroll down for the best ones.

Man of the People

I got a kick out of this headline in today's Telegraph:

Don King steps into the ring to help win black vote for Bush

You can read the article yourself for a glimpse into the minds of a few delusional black "leaders". I am not labeling them as delusional because they support Bush, I am labeling them as such because they believe they know what is best for every black person in this country, regardless of his/her socio-economic status, age, gender and sexual preference. This is just moronic. Can you imagine if some white guy held a press conference and said he represented all of the "people" who happen to be the same race? Actually, some men do and we know them as "white supremacists". Analogies can be made here on all levels but all I have to say is: I hope that these men grow old very rapidly, go away and take the past with them.

So, back to me and my issues. No Fung Wah for me this weekend - I am actually going to DRIVE to NYC for the first time in years. It is going to be about 4 times more expensive than the Fung Wah (gas, tolls, parking) but there are three of us going and one of us gets "bus sick" so there you have it.
I have to go home and sort of re-pack for the Belmont tomorrow as I see now that is it going to be cloudy and rainy. We are going to be in the Grandstand and dry but still, I am such a baby when the temperature drops below 60. Good weather for the race in Central Park on Sunday though! It is only a 2.8 mile course but I need all the help I can get. My marathon-running friend keeps reminding me that is supposed to be fun and I keep reminding her to bring a rope to tie around my waist so that she can drag me across the finish line.

I don't want to do this but...

Bush is quoted in the New York Times today as telling a bunch of cadets that the Iraq/Afghanistan invasions (which I think comprise the whole of his "war on terror") are analogous to WWI and the Cold War.

Right. Just like World War II without: Hitler, the Holocaust, Mussolini, Japan, the death of tens of millions, the Blitz on London, German attacks on the US Navy in the Gulf of Mexico, the invasions of Austria, Poland, France, The Soviet Union, The Netherlands, etc. I know that the guy is stupid and probably would've gotten an "F" in history if Yale gave anything less than a "C", but does he have to embarrass America by saying shit like this? Fucking moron.

Try "Vietnam". It is more on point. You do recall something about that conflict, right, you pompous ass?

I just can't win

I am trying to be disciplined. No skipped cardio workouts, daily ashtanga yoga, 2 gallons of water a day, and greens, greens, greens at all meals. Then I arrived at work this morning to see every streaming out of the kitchen with little black plastic plates heaped with fruit, bagels, croissants or danish. The bastards here organized a breakfast in honor of our new attorney, who is super-model thin and only had a few strawberries.

After delaying for about 10 minutes, I finally went into the kitchen and came out with the following: raspberries, 1/2 a veggie bagel and (because I can't say "no") 1/2 a croissant. It is hard enough resisting the free supply of Smartfood and White Cheddar Cheese-its around here but this breakfast thing is getting out of hand. This is our third buffet breakfast in the past two weeks and the Law Day/May Day extravaganza is still fresh in my mind. I had to fast the entire next day.

Ok. It is still early in the day. Anything can happen. Maybe I'll work straight through lunch and I have to skip dinner tonight because I have a massage at Guiliano at 7. All of this working out has led to muscle stiffness/soreness so intense that I have to pay David, the masseur, $80 (plus tip) to make the blood flow to my muscles again.

I thought that all of this good behavior would end after the race on Sunday but R. and I are going out again on Tuesday for dinner and, if we pick up anywhere near where we left off, my stomach is going to have to be as flat as a pancake. So, my eating solids and alcohol consumption will resume Wednesday, June 9, 2004.

Cleaning out DC's Closets and getting down to my fighting weight

Over the weekend, encouraged by the 3 Redhooks I had just consumed (the road race ended at the Red Hook Brewery), I shared my Dubya-is-a-closet-case theory with my brother and his friends. The discussion that ensued solidified my previous (re: sober) position that although Wonkette and I think alike, this is a grassy-knoll-type topic that is best avoided in polite conversation. It is also, as I suspected, it is incredibly offensive to a gay person as one of other road-racing, beer drinking fellows happened to be.

I went through the whole checklist of "clues", some of which Wonkette has mentioned and some which she hasn't (i.e. never touches his wife, ever, in any forum, domineering mother, Jesus freak, etc.) just to justify what I really wanted to forget I even brought up. Then Wonkette throws out this gem and I wish I had come up with it myself:

And it's not like being homosexual leads to being interested politics. If that were the case, don't you think Bush would have started paying attention by now?

So, Training Day One went off without a hitch. Not only did I do some cardio but I took in a yoga class and then went home to negate all of my heard work by eating enough sushi for two. Anywhoo...I have not had a drink or a cigarette in 72 hours and counting. GO GIRL!

OK, let's keep this as simple as possible

If you have a firm grasp of the alphabet and you understand what a "lie" is, you'll have no trouble getting your head around this handy list of misrepresentations which led to America's support for the invasion of Iraq (WMD. No, toppling of Saddam's oppresive regime. Wait! It's about fighting al Qaeda. Or is Rumsfeld still fuming about that 20 quid Saddam "borrowed" and payback is a bitch?. Oh, fuck it).

The Week Ahead

I have to give a shout out to Gary Gulman who opened for Dane Cook at the Comedy Connection last Friday. Gary's a stand-up comedian and happens to be very handsome and funny (don't even get him started on grapes! Ha!). He's also totally cool and seems like the kind of guy who would be very understanding if a few visibly intoxicated fans approached him after the show to tell him how great he was and come on to him (I am just guessing here). Just a heads up: don't you worry about not being able to get a drink after a show begins at the Comedy Connection. The waitresses just troll around tirelessly plying patrons with alcohol. Well, that's how it seemed to me anyway.

I will not be felled by any hangovers this week, however. Sunday is the big NYRR Road Race in Central Park and this Rocky is officially in training. Tonight, I am going to go buy one of those gray sweatsuits and chase chickens in Chinatown. Kidding! More than likely, I'll just skip dinner, do an hour of cardio and go rent Bowling for Columbine which I have been meaning to watch since it came out over a year ago. Training Day One begins now!

Nothing to see here, keep moving

After a long weekend of eating and drinking to excess like a Roman senator in the Empire's heyday, I am struggling to concentrate and make a good show of "working for a living".


In an effort to simulate "work" (in this case, by typing search terms furiously in Google)I came across this oil industry tribute to Condi Rice and I must say, I'm jealous. Not that I want to sell my soul in a Faustian deal with the Devil but I would've at least liked to have had the chance to turn it down.