Back from the "almost" dead

Lisa and I tried the new Bikram yoga studio in the Leather District and oh man am I out of shape. I have felt so great lately what with all the running and not-drinking-beer but 90 minutes of yoga in a 102 degree room almost killed me. Not that Bikram isn't always challenging but I was nauseaous and dizzy after just 70 minutes and would've left the class if the instructor hadn't blocked one guy from leaving the room at the exact minute I was thinking of leaving.

That's right - she blocked the doorway and asked him if he could "hold it until the end of class". He sheepishly went back to his mat for another 20 minutes of torture and I felt for the guy. I wasn't going down like that so I stayed put and imagined that I was on a 102 degree beach rather than trapped in a 102 degree room but that just conjured up images of a plane crash and burning alive in the blistering sun so I worked on just making my mind go blank.

Giving it another go tonight and let's hope I can go say, 80 minutes instead of 70 before I reach my breaking point.

Out of Their Element

I have just had it with what G. calls "the element" in my neighborhood. "The Element" are the people who do not live in the neighborhood but commute into it everyday to harass us, beg for money or otherwise try to swindle it out of us. After getting my wallet stolen from Sonsie, I have zero tolerance for assholes who try to take my money away from me. Case in point:

Last night I caught a yoga class at Newbury BSC and almost lost it on a member of The Element. Apparently, I cannot walk in this city for 7 minutes without being harassed or feeling as if I have to avoid being harassed by avoiding eye contact or pretending to be in deep conversation with the person I am walking with. Now I am just like, "Fuck It".

I walked to the gym in the rain and there was an upstanding Element-type person loitering in from of the Capital Grille looking from side-to-side for the next person walking by. By "upstanding" I mean, an obese individual, about 20 years old and wearing a hood over his head and enormous jeans. Seriously, a baby elephant could have worn these jeans. Obviously, he was not waiting for his table to be ready or waiting for the valet to bring his car around and I just swelled with anger. Sure enough, he saw me coming and when I passed him, he fell into step with me. But only for 4 brisk strides because I cut him off (he was on my left) to walk into the gym and when I turned around as I stepped through the door, I saw him turning and looking back at me.

My mind was made up as I walked towards him that if he said one word to me, I was going to scream at the top of my lungs, "Noooooooo!" and keep walking. I knew I’d be safe going into the gym because, sure enough, there were about 17 buff guys at the bottom of the stairs that could have taken out Fattie in a hardened-artery heartbeat. I used to feel guilty about my hostility towards The Element, holing open doors at CVS, approaching me to say their car broke down and they need 2 dollars to get to Natick and cutting me off on the sidewalk to wave a Dunkin Donuts cup at me. Not anymore. This is War so stay out my way.

To You-Know_Who

Dear Madman:
Kindly endeavor not to embarrass me in the presence of the heavy hitters at our 2 pm meeting. A former colleague will be in the room and I do not want her to know that now report to an unqualified crazy person who only got this job because he was fired from his last one. She will instantly size up the situation and conclude that you could not have slept with someone to get this job as you are an old heterosexual male and therefore must be close friends with one of our biggest shareholders. I know her and she is that sharp!

Please do not even bother to pretend that you understand our industry or the science behind it. Just sit there quietly and listen. If you insist on hijacking this meeting by cutting off qualified persons mid-sentence and droning on and on about your "career", all of the "centering" I practiced in yoga clas this weekend will be all for naught and I may just slam my forehead into the conference room table with an anguished cry.

Thank you,
Mia

Token of Appreciation

My work day kicked off to the accompaniment of blaring salsa beats thanks to the office cleaners who listen to my radio at night and I have yet to change the station. I didn’t even know we had a Spanish-speaking station here in Boston! Thanks guys!

I am kicking myself for not jumping on those U2 tickets that a friend offered us last week. At $165 each, I just thought it too pricey an indulgence and as much as I love U2, my wallet had just been stolen the day before and I was feeling poor. Now she tells me they are box seats with waitress service and $165 is a drop in the bucket for U2, really. C’est dommage!

Love the new T booth operator at Hynes Convention in the morning. I don’t buy a T-pass as I usually walk to work and my token stash was stolen along with my wallet. The woman that worked the booth before was surly and slow. She talked on the phone all morning and it really bothered her when people pestered her for tokens or tourists asked how to get to the Blue Line. It’s all good now though and the new guy is cool and quick; answers the tourists with a smile and sends them on their merry way. Keep up the good work T guy!

7 or 9 for the road

In an effort to cheer myself up after having my wallet stolen, a girlfriend invited me out for "one or two" after-work drinks. I lost count of how many glasses of pinot I knocked back. The second glass was the "one" another friend asked that I have for her as she could not join us. There was absolutely no reason to have the remaining 7. We had a great time though and I think was may have to stay away from Sorriso at least until things cool down with the French owner, Lucien(?). I got loose-lipped and said I thought that the northern part of France was once part of Germany. I meant the Alsace region (just to show how much I love France, here is a pic of me in the French countryside) but he got really pissed off. Oops.

Back in action today though. I think I was still drunk when I woke up but I just polished off a Gatorade and a fruit cup and I am doing OK. After work, I am supposed to have a few chicks from the office back to my place so they can check it out and we can go to that new Bubble Café on Newbury or whatever it is called. Problem is, I haven't been home in over 48 hours and I think the place is a hell-hole. Oh well. They'll just have to use their imagination and picture what it looks like neat and tidy. Must find greasy lunch item to calm queasy stomach now.

Even if it kills me

I am going to go for a run after my 6 pm appt. tonight.

Running will be a lot more enjoyable after I get that Ipod (or so I tell myself) but for nw, I'll have to suffer in silence and run only to the soundtrack in my head. Living about 4 steps from the Esplanade makes this running thing easy but I just lose my motivation after a long day at the office and a twist-my-arm call from a friend who wants to meet at Cactus Club for drinks and half priced appetizers (like last night). Today is a new day and I am going to run like I am being chased. See you there around 7:20 or so! I'll be the one without earphones.

You don't have to live in India

Graphic: How Class Works - New York Times

Lots of fun to be had by answering the questions and finding out exactly where you stand in the merican version of the Caste System. I fall in the 91st percentile and my beloved is in the 83rd but I even if our families opposed me marrying out of my own caste, I would do it anyway. Live Free or Die!

At least I wasn't mugged

God I am glad this day is over.
Some bastard stole my wallet while I blissfully polished off two glasses of wine and some grilled mushrooms at the bar at Sonsie last night. After my crying jag in front of the manager and obligatory calls to the credit card companies, I went to bed exhausted. Didn’t get much sleep though as misery has a way of keeping me awake in order to contemplate all that is bad in my life.

So a long night gave way to an even longer day which involved extensive contact with a horses arse I sort of report to. This night has got to get better in order for me to fall asleep tonight. Post- theft recovery details to follow…

Craiglist Rules Again

My running partner emailed me today about meeting up next week to run. I was a little worried that maybe her refusal to respond to my emails was because I: a) sucked as a runner or b) she thought I meant to post in Women Seeking Women instead of Activity Partners.

But it's all good now and we are meeting next week. For some reason motivation has not been an issue lately and I even went running last night after having two glasses of Pinot. Yes, that's right. I went on a cramp-inducing, half-assed run with a buzz on the Esplanade at 8 pm. World Class Athlete here!

8:06 a.m. - View from my balcony. Another glorious day in the Big City.

Sonoma County Bait and Switch!

I really did not want to go to this wedding out in Sonoma County in July but it is G's family and he was going to go with or without me so I relented. But not before he sent me this link to the sweet Bed & Breakfast where we supposedly had our reservations.

Well, last night I said I was actually now looking forward to going to California because the hotel looked "romantic" and he looked at me as if I had two heads. Seems the hotel he said we we staying in is just one of the places the invite recommended and he booked us a room at the "no-tell-motel" neaby where "everyone else is staying". This just sucks and now the other place is booked so there's no going back. At least with the new place we can drive right up to the door of the room so that's convenient. And the motel bar boasts "local country and blues' bands" and the rooms have a "combination tub/shower", oh what the hell? This is just going to suck.

Another Craigslist Blow Off

Just when I thought my days of meeting-someone-on-Craigslist just-once-and-never-hearing- from-them-again were over, it has happened again.

I posted on Craigslist for a female running partner and met up with a girl last week on the Esplanade. She was really cool and we ran at about the same pace but she has blown me off since! G. said this morning that she had something more in mind that being just running partners. Come to think of it, she did seem really nervous on the phone and she did get really quiet after I mentioned my boyfriend while we were running. I just assumed maybe it was because it was a sore subject with here and was like, "hey, shave your armpits and maybe you'll get more dates.” Kidding! Couldn’t even see her armpits. Meeting G. on Craigslist was the highlight of my Craigslist experience (not inlcuding the time I sold all of my furinutre on there in 3 days) and I guess I should quit while I am ahead.

Had the most boring weekend on record up in Vermont. It is "Mud Season" up there and it rained most of the time so we were housebound. The only indoor activity up there is hanging out in smoky bars at 2 pm. No thanks. The smoking bans in Boston and NYC have spoiled me and the slightest hint of white smoke in bar or restaurant now bothers me. The smoking bans have also forced me to cut out my drunken “social” smoking that I so enjoyed but that is another story.

I absolutely cannot wait to be sitting in front of this woodburning stove tonight with the Golden Boy. It'll be in the 20's overnight in Vermont but I am wearing my flip-flops anyway because it is a short walk from the car to the house and that's the kind of girl I am.

OK, Scary

I just typed in www.cityofboston.com instead of .gov and this site came up. The first listing caught my eye "abortion alternatives" and then I saw the biblical quotes scrolling on the bottom of the page.

What is going on here? And guys, everyone knows what the alternative to abortion is: getting fat, going through excruciating labor and then being a parent for the rest of your life. We don't need your website to tell us that although something tells me that is not what you are on about here.



Boston, Massachusetts

As Jesus "Anally" Cared for Women

Wonkette blows the lid off of Bush's FDA guy's anal sex scandal. I am neither for nor against anal sex but I just love it when Republicans anal sex scandals break. Democratic anal sex scandals just don't pack the same punch.

Stress and the Woman's Unconscious Ass
It may be time for a rewrite of Stress and the Woman's Body. Co-authored by Dr. David Hager, a Christian gynecologist and Bush Administration appointee to the FDA's Advisory Committee for Reproductive Health Drugs, the book tells women to "ask the Holy Spirit to show you how to access his supernatural grace and strength on your worst PMS days." Hey, it's cheaper than Midol, but what about less common ailments, like waking up in the middle of the night to find your husband ass-fucking you in a "painful and threatening" manner? Are there any good Bible passages for treating that? We ask, because in a new Nation article, Linda Carruth Davis, who was married to Hager for 32 years and co-authored Stress, "alleges that between 1995 and their divorce in 2002, Hager repeatedly sodomized her without her consent." Davis also claimed her ex-husband paid her as much as $2000 for oral sex. Said Hager himself: "My official comment is that I decline to comment."

Oh good. Another reason to hate Dr. Phil

As if being a sanctimonious jerk wasn't reason enough, a friend just IM'd me to say that Dr. Pill (heh) has a show today on a website that helps married people cheat.

I guess it is called "ashley madison" and the founder of the website is on. Apparently, the women in the audience are disgusted and their husbands are home googling "ashley madison".

So, a complete business model for an on-line dating website like Match should probably also include a site dedicated to facilitating cheating on that longed-for-loved-one after you finally get married. Think about it but don't steal my idea without giving me props.

Just setting all the trends, nationwide

Well, this was fast. No sooner do I give up drinking beer in general and Guiness in particular, beer sales fall off. Coincidence? Too soon to tell. All I know is that it has been 17 days since I decided to abstain from beer (reason: I can drink 6 in 1.5 hours and apparently, there are calories in beer) and the national numbers mirror my drop-off in consumption.

Not off the sauce completely here. It isn't as if I have a problem or anything. I just like to hit the pubs with the girls and drink until I start to find other bar patrons interesting to talk to. Waking up the next day to find several strangers' business cards and a handful of crumpled $1's in my purse has not been an uncommon occurance since I got out of law school. But, with the change in metabolism that I don't remember getting as a gift per se but seemed to accompany hitting my mid-thirties, something had to go and it wasn't going to be cheese god damn it. Otherwise, "being in Fat City" was taking on a whole new meaning that had nothing to do with good luck.

The most tangible result of the self-imposed beer-ban far are: a bar bill of $18 (2 martinis) instead of $42 (7 Guiness). Not too shabby!

Were I wish I was at this moment

"Girl With Pen"? Wha' happen'?

I haven't been blogging lately what with my new raging sex life and condo projects but how could I have missed the departure of Emily our "Girl With Pen" blog? She was way cool and lived in Sommerville and actually helped me get this blog up and running.

The mutual "friend" who brought us together is getting married to a girl he met on Yahoo personals. The same site on which he met Emily. Have Gossip!! Must Tell All!! Now I can't find her. Maybe the absence of her blog means that she has moved on and no longer cares about old flames and tales of the city.

Emily if you are out there, email me to let me know what the hell is going on.
Oh, and ranyone who is in the market for a badass new car, mine is for sale on Craiglist. Just need to finance my upcoming bamboo flooring project. The wall-to-wall carpet is absolutely disgusting and to make matters worse, my cats insist on vomiting on the carpet rather than the tiles floor which would be much easier to clean. Bastards!

And the day held so much promise...

Just when I was feeling good about the way my suit fit today, a kindly soul on Tremont Street sidled up to me to say, she was sorry but she thought the zipper to my skirt might be broken. And of course, it is. Thank god I didn’t wear a thong as I was thisclose to doing so and switched out at the last minute.

Got up early (for me anyway-7:15), did some yoga and actually made spinach and cheese omlette for breakfast and a grilled cheese and tomato for lunch. I am trying to be good. Both to save money and eat healthier. Same old, same old.

Battered Women of Florida Rejoice!

The best news to come out of Florida in a long time is the Castle Doctrine which takes care of that bothersome "duty to retreat" issue which has prevents us from legally shooting those who threaten us with serious bodily injury.

No worries now though. Battered women all over Florida can now legally shoot those abusive neer-do-well's they married (against all of their friends' and family's well-meant advice) as soon as they sufffer enough of a beating to prove to the cops that they were in fear for their lives. So let the bastard get a few blows in and then cheerfully blow him away. I imagine support groups now providing gun permit applications at weekly meeting and organzing field trips to the rifle range for target practice. A Beautiful Day.